I can be truthful with you with myself only on these pages. I need help, I don't know how to ask for it. Actually, I am afraid if I ask, I will look weak. The last time I started to ask for help, I received these funny looks and comments. They told me that I should be strong and have it all together. Therefore, I don't ask for help anymore but I desperately want to talk to someone about what has been overwhelming me for several months now. Inside I am crying because I can't figure out what is wrong with me. I am starting to feel these weird symptoms, such as palpitations, kind of like a pounding heart, feelings of choking, sometimes even paresthesias (like numbness and/or tingling sensations). Did I mention that I sweat a lot? This doesn't seem normal because sometimes these conditions come unexpectedly. I shouldn't complain. My life is the ideal life. I am a mother of 3 kids and I have a hard-working husband. I am in my dream job. Yet my plate seems to be overwhelming. After work, which can be challenging, I come home and cook dinner, and then it's homework time. My girls have their games on the weekends, they are cheerleaders. My son has football games on Fridays. My husband takes him to practice on weekdays. My husband is a musician and I have to support him. Honestly, there is no time for me. Again, I don't want to sound like I am complaining because I am not. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and there are moments that I slip into this crazy fear of "going crazy". After everyone is in bed, I sit in my office and cry because I am overwhelmed. I don't feel connected to my family. I feel like I am just passing time. Sometimes I wonder if my friends or anyone deals with these conditions. My girlfriend mentioned counseling but I can't go. My family will think I am "crazy" a "lunatic". Anyways, I just wanted to get it out because I can't figure out what's going on with me. I just hope I don't have a heart attack.... (Sigh) It is getting late and I have to be up at 6am. I just need to suck it up, this is probably just something I am conjuring up.
Debriefing: Can you relate to any of these mental conditions? Mary's mental conditions are signs of a real issue. Mary is unaware that she is experiencing symptoms associated with a panic attack. Panic attacks tends to have a chronic course and is frequently comorbid with any other anxiety, depressive, and bipolar disorders. Holistic treatment options and interventions are available for Mary. Avoidance is the best punishment we can give to ourselves.
If you are suffering from these symptoms, contact a professional mental health provider today.
*All journal entries include fictional characters with real life conditions that are used as an educational tool.