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  • Amelia Gillis, LMHC

END OF THE ROAD


Dear Journal,

Today, I am at a place where I feel like this day might be my last day. Where do I begin? Today, started as a normal day. I woke up and had this weird feeling in my stomach. I felt bland. Things changed as I was getting ready to walk out the door. I was putting my clothes on and noticed that my boyfriend sent me a message. It stated that “I need time for myself and that I don’t think being in a relationship is good for me right not. I hope you understand. It’s me and not you”. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said “ok”. I didn’t have time to cry even though inside I wanted to break down but I had to keep it together. I needed to be at work in 22 minutes. When I got to work I put on a smile because holding it together is what I am used to doing. As the day went on, my boss fussed at me in front of everyone about a report I filed, saying that I didn’t include some important information. I thought I submitted all the information necessary for the report but I don’t think it was about me. He seemed to be having a bad day so I just apologized and said “ok”. Once again, I had to hold it together. After work, I was scheduled to meet with my girlfriend so that I could just vent, I desperately needed that time. However, at the last minute, she called and said she was tired and didn’t feel like meeting. I simply said, “ok”. I finally made it home, as I was walking into the door my mother called and unleashed her problems on me concerning her week. I wasn’t in a position to hear her out but I did. When she was done, she seemed a little upset that I didn’t have much to say. Her frustration brewed and she yelled “you always take his side, I have to go now”. Still not sure how to respond, I simply said, “ok”. However, I put the phone down, and realized I wasn’t ok. Life had been taking its toll. If I wasn’t at the edge before, today, took me over. I realized, holding it together is what I do best. It is what others expect me to do, but today, I can’t. I just need someone to be here for me, is that to hard? I am just going to sit here alone and think about my options. I rationalize that if I do kill myself, it might take them a few days to realize. Also, I wouldn’t have to deal with the heaviness of life on my own anymore. I guess I will think it through for another day or not, tonight might be the end of the road.

Signed, Susie Q.

September is Suicide Awareness Month. Suicide is not inevitable for anyone. It can start with a thought. Life can be fine one day and then the next the thought appears. Suicide for many seems to be like the best option when you can’t find an option that alleviates the stresses, pain, or weight of life. There are many factors and warning signs that places someone at the risk of suicide. Those factors include, but are not limited to:

  • Hopelessness

  • Lack of social support and sense of isolation

  • Loss of relationships

  • History of trauma or abuse

  • Job or financial loss

Those Warning Signs include, but are not limited to:

  • Isolation

  • Mood Swings

  • Talking about dying

  • Sleeping too much or not at all

Understanding the factors and warning signs is important part in suicide prevention. You can be a part of the solution. Here are 5 action steps you can take to help. First, start the conversation, ask your love ones if they are struggling with the thought of suicide. Next, focus on keeping them safe. Make sure they aren’t placing themselves in harm’s way, especially if you recognize the signs. Also, be there for them. Be a listening ear. Then, help them connect with resources that can provide them support and safety. Last, follow up with them and check up on them often. Remind them that they are not alone. Recite positive affirmations with them. You can be the difference of 120 suicides daily versus 121 suicides daily. Start the conversation, safe a life.