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  • Amelia Gillis, LMHC

THE RAGING WAR


Dear Forgiveness,

I don’t want you here. You require too much for situations that isn’t worthy of your honor. Situations that are beyond deserving of your grace. Do you not know what it cost me? Let me tell you. Many days, months, and now years of tears, fear, anger, anxiety and pain became a part of my last name. The world knew my struggles. It left me speechless unable to defend my cause. Speechless I was left with rage, confusion, and doubt. Nothing seemed to bring me out of this pain, and now you want me to declare your name.

Forgiveness, I won’t send you away. Here is where I’ll hold you until my bitterness slips away. You’ve asked me to forget what was done and grace them with a gift that they don’t deserve. How dare you attempt to come into my heart and make this request. They weren’t worthy of it then and I don’t believe they are worthy of it now. I had to cry and so should they. Hey, they left me in the most worse way.

I know inside I may be dying from the grief. However, Pain has taken over me and this is just the song that I’ll sing. Until the day I release their grip on my life. However, holding tightly to the only grip that keeps us together. Pain. This is the song that I choose to sing. Forgiveness, I dare not whisper your name.

Signed,

  • Ms. Un-forgiveness is who I will remain

Many times, we sing this song of un-forgiveness because we feel as though it’s the only control we have over the situation. We dare not forgive someone for what they did or caused. We rather hold on to the pain that keeps us tied to the situation. We hold on to pain because it becomes comfortable and familiar. It becomes easier to cuddle our shame and pain then releasing the weight.

However, what if this song was killing you? What if this cognitive destructive pattern was the cause of your death? The very thing that keeps you bound in a destructive pattern?

There are many things that attribute to the death of someone, and often times, anger and resentment is the caused. What about that mate from 10 years ago? What about the co-worker that stole your job? Are they worth you dying over?

Fact: Un-forgiveness is considered an emotional disease that affects you mentally and physically. A common negative emotion caused by un-forgiveness is chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety puts your body in a constant fight or flight state which can cause several changes in your heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. These changes increase your risk of heart disease, diabetes, heart disease and other conditions. Forgiveness on the other hand, keeps your body at a calm level. Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for your mental wellness and health.

Un-forgiveness is a slow death that eats away at your ability to be mentally stable, happy, at peace, to love, and be all that you were destine to be. Choose TODAY to forgive.

How do you forgive?

  1. Make the decision to let go of the offense

  2. Express your pain in a healthy manner, to someone you trust or write a letter (don’t give it to the person)

  3. Take responsibility (if needed) for your part in the situation

  4. Review the lesson of the situation and healthy options on how to handle the situation better next time

  5. Forgive them and yourself

  6. Remain intentional about your choice

Remember, forgiveness isn’t for others, it is a gift you must give to yourself for the sake of your mental wellness and health. Choose today to stop wrestling with pain of Un-forgiveness. Be free from the death that un-forgiveness brings. Affirm "I did the best I could at the time with what I knew....